Local authorities have been alerted by Minneapolis MN police and fire units that one TERENCE JOHN PARR is leaving the Minneapolis Metro area and is suspected to be heading for northern California. Minneapolis officials became suspicious when they noticed a for-sale sign in front of PARR's spectacular estate, which you may recall from last year's LAWN & GARDEN article on "Unbelievably-fabulous tremendously- cool gardens and even more stupendous occupants."
Federal troops have been stationed along all major motorways in an attempt to block PARR's entrance into CA; boy scouts have been strategically placed at all major airports. The Women's Sunday Reserve Bible Thumpers have volunteered their services to taunt him mercilessly from a safe distance. Using skills developed while "attending" graduate school, PARR is expected to breech local defenses sometime in August.
The mayor of San Francisco and mayors of surrounding communities are urging citizens to remain calm and to stay off the streets until this dangerous programmer can be apprehended. If you site someone in San Francisco not dressed entirely in black and with short hair, please notify authorities immediately...this may be the infamous scurge himself. Do not attempt "citizen's arrest" as any encounter may result in a lengthy diatribe on the state of affairs in the programming community. This has proven fatal for at least one elderly Midwestern couple.
[Editor's summary for the humor challenged: Terence will be moving to San Francisco proper in August/September 1995. Parr Research Corporation will open a branch CA office at that time and look for contracts in the Bay area to support Terence's coffee and pizza habit. Terence anticipates hiring his first employee and looks forward to a frenzy of PCCTS activity.]